Victim of sexual & domestic abuse – a personal story

Sent in by Iniobong Usanga

This is my personal story and you can share it to help inspire other women like me in the past. Rising above adversity and healing from pain is possible in every body. But the key in my opinion is my and your decision. We have to make the personal choice if we are to see transformation in our lives. I am living that transformation and believe you too can. Here is my story …

My name is Iniobong Usanga. I am an Irish citizen with Nigerian roots. I am a survivor of abuse and today an empowered woman who uses her voice to advocate for the right of children and women. My transformation did not come easy. For many years I hide myself behind a smiling face but was slowly dying. I did not want to speak about my abusive experience because I did not want to be judged or pitied. I was forced to leave Nigeria, and then became a single mother in a new country – Ireland, which today is my home. Although I always supported victims of abuse I never made a personal connection. I was always hiding.

I was a victim of sexual and domestic abuse and it almost cost me my life. My family rejected me when I decided to stand up for myself after deciding that I wanted no more abuse.
It was only in 2014, I finally made a personal decision to break my silence, come out in the open and speak about my experience and journey through my abusive experience. It was very challenging and frightening for me to accept that I had been abused. I was always in denial at first. The shame, embarrassment, stigma, labels and many other things weighed down on me, but I said to myself that I had a choice to either remain silent and wallow in self pity and pretend nothing ever happened or swallow my pride, or, I could break the silence, free myself from the burden of shame and help others who are probably experiencing the same faith as I did in the past.

I have been helping people, particularly children, young people and women affected by abuse, but I never made the personal connection. I always concealed my experience due to shame, denial and family values so I never spoke out. Though I was still on a voyage of self rediscovery, I thought it was time nonetheless to join the many voices speaking out against abuse. I felt it was time to come out and offer my help and support to people especially children, young people and women in a more conscious way. Besides, I wanted people to able to connect and engage with me in a more personal way. I wanted to offer people hope and make them know their determination combined with some support; can help them move from victims to victors from dependency to self sufficiency from crises to new arising. People can actually live a new and transformed live.

My journey started with me telling my story to an audience of nearly 50 people unknown to me for the very first time. I felt relieved and a sense of accomplishment because it was very challenging for me to come out in the open and talk about myself in that sort of way. Thing is I had never done anything like this before. I could feel the nerves, panic and all the other emotions that come with that. A few months down the line, I decided that I would always share my story. For me, for people who are currently experiencing what I had gone through, for survivors, for those who feel stock, for those who have given up hope and those who want to make a fresh start. I challenge anyone to be able to put into words the feeling you gain from helping another human being, especially those who haven’t felt much love, compassion, kindness, friendliness, empathy and support from another person. It’s a feeling that I feel words cannot really describe and it’s a feeling that once you know it, you never want to lose or let it go.

You can also listen to my story which has more information https://soundcloud.com/roos-demol/ini-obong-usanga-tells-her-story-of-forced-migration

Thank you.